The anxious/avoidant struggle is surprisingly common. Research suggests that a significant number of couples experience this push-and-pull dynamic where repeated cycles of closeness and withdrawal can create confusion emotional exhaustion, and self-doubt, making it feel far more challenging than it needs to be.

In today’s hyper-connected world, it’s becoming increasingly common for people to spend more time on social media than engaging with their significant other. While this behavior may seem harmless at first glance — just a few minutes scrolling through updates or watching short videos — it can slowly erode the quality of connection in a relationship. The dynamics behind this shift are complex. Social media offers instant gratification, distraction from stress, and the illusion of social interaction. Unlike real-life relationships, which require emotional effort, patience, and vulnerability, social media provides a curated escape where a person can control what they see and how they are seen. This allure can be especially tempting when real-life relationships feel difficult, unfulfilling, or mundane.

When we consistently focus on what’s wrong, on fear, or on how we’ve been wronged, we begin to attract more of the same. Not because life is cruel, but because our mindset filters how we interpret and interact with the world. A negative thought pattern causes us to miss opportunities, expect failure, and radiate energy that repels rather than attracts.

Feeling unattractive is an experience that can sneak up on anyone—regardless of age, gender, or physical appearance. Whether it’s triggered by a glance in the mirror, a social media scroll, or an offhand comment from someone else, these moments of self-doubt can leave deep emotional imprints. Understanding why we sometimes feel this way, how it shapes our behavior, and what we can do to shift our perspective is the first step toward reclaiming a healthier, more compassionate self-image.

I never saw it coming. One day, I was a wife with a future I thought was secure, and the next, I was alone—utterly, terrifyingly alone. My husband left, and with him went the life we had built together. I was left staring at the pieces, not knowing how I’d pay the bills, how to start over, or even who I was without him. The fear was overwhelming. I had wrapped so much of my identity around being a partner, a caregiver, someone who anchored a family. And suddenly, all I could see were the holes—emotionally, financially, spiritually. The weight of starting over felt too heavy to carry.

Few things are as confusing or painful as realizing that the person you care about doesn’t want the same kind of relationship you do. You may love them deeply, enjoy their company, and see a future together—but if you’re not aligned on the type of relationship you both want, it creates a fundamental tension that’s hard to ignore.

Expectations are a natural part of being human. We develop them from childhood, shaped by family dynamics, cultural narratives, personal experiences, and even media portrayals of how life and relationships “should” unfold. We expect love to be returned in the way we give it. We expect support from those we’ve supported. We expect fairness, reciprocity, and understanding, especially from those closest to us. At their core, expectations are often rooted in a desire for safety, connection, and predictability, but when left unchecked, they can become silent saboteurs of our peace and our relationships.

Relationships have the power to bring out the best in us—and sometimes, the most vulnerable parts we didn’t know were still raw. If you’ve ever reacted in a way that surprised even yourself—snapping over a comment, withdrawing suddenly, or becoming overly emotional during a disagreement—you’ve likely encountered a trigger. These emotional landmines can cause us to act irrationally, often harming the very relationships we want to protect.